It takes this many people to produce such a lousy show? Who knew!
Despite our huge payroll, we're always on the lookout for new staff members. So, if you know of someone who may be worthy to join our sordid collection of staff, send his name and position to the Car Talk Plaza Personnel Department now. Thanks!
| Alignment Inspector | Lou Segusi |
| Anger Management Coach | Kirsten Hollered |
| Collections Specialist | Colin Duboise |
| Conflict Resolution Specialist | Hugo Origo |
| Disciplinarian | Don Fuller Round |
| Exhaust Manifold Specialist | Manny Burns |
| Head of Front Desk Security | Constance Noring |
| Nomadic Studies | Roman Hunt |
| Second Shift Meteorologist | Claudio Vernight |
| Sexual Harassment Trainer, Frankfurt Office | Hans T. Josef |
| Termite Inspector | Luke Underwood |
| Undergarment Inspector | I.C. London |
Car Talk's Official Staff Credits | |
| Accounts Payable Administrator | Imelda Czechs |
| Aegean Caterer | Sue Flockey |
| Accounts Payable Clerk, Moscow Office | Dasha Chekhov |
| Accounts Receivable Supervisor from the Mumbai Office | Vishnu Payup |
| Adopted Son from Sweden | Bjorn A. Payne Diaz |
| Airline Seat Tester | Wilma Butfit |
| Air-Quality Monitor | Carmine Dioxide |
| Air Traffic Controller | Ulanda U. Lucky |
| Airline Reservation Manager | Will Price Randomly |
| Alaskan Prenuptial Advisor | Rush Inuit |
| Alternative Fuel Consultant | Amanda Livering Cole |
| Anger Management Consultant | Joanne Slowburner |
| Appeals Specialist | Bud Uronner |
| Appointment Secretary | Stu Earley |
| Appointment Secretary II | Amadeus O. Early |
| Arbitration Expert | Viola Fuss |
| Art Critic | Phyllis Steen |
| Art Critic (2) | Dot Snice |
| Asphalt Contractor | Luciano Pavearoadi |
| Assertiveness Training Coach | Lois Steem |
| Assistant Customer Care Representive | Kurt Reply |
| Asst. Directors of Computer Services | Sy Burnett and Sy Quest |
| Assistant Director of Moral Support | Hugo Gurll |
| Assistant Director of Strategic Planning | Kent C. Detrees |
| Assistant Disciplinarian | Joaquin D'Planque |
| Asst. Fleet Manager | Lisa Carr |
| Asst. Transportation Coordinator | Orson Buggy |
| Astoturf Installer | Nomar Wheaton |
| Attorney General | Janet Torino |
| Attorney General in charge of Tobacco Settlements | Hubert H. Humvee II |
| Audience Counter | Hugh Wake |
| Audience Estimator | Adam Illion |
| Audience Response Analyst | Luke Warm |
| Australian Tour Guide | Joaquin Matilda |
| Auto-Body Expert | James Bondo |
| Automotive Finishes Consultant | Rusty Steele |
| Automotive Medical Researcher | Dr. Denton Fender |
| Automotive Registrar | Megan Model |
| Auto Seat Tester | Fitz Matush |
| Back Seat Driver | Veronica Lizzioncourse |
| Back Seat Driver (2) | Mischa Turnov |
| Bail Bond Provider | Freida Gogh |
| Band Leader | Sasha Noyes |
| Banker, Car Talk Plaza Poker Games | Nikolai Putin |
| Bathroom Tile Installer | Lotta Bullnose |
| Bedtime Storyteller | Juan Zapata |
| Behavior Consultant | Wyatt B. Hoovesia |
| Biblical Scholar | Vera Lee Isay |
| Big Band Leader | Juan Anatou |
| Blues Coordinator | Mahamadan Ptolemy |
| Bob Dylan Specialist | I. Shelby Released |
| Bolt Tightener | Tilda Plierslip |
| Bowling Coach | Menachem Down |
| Breathalyzer Administrator | Eureka Garlic |
| British Cutlery Specialist | Sir Irving Spoon |
| British Doorman | Isaiah Olchap |
| Boston Funeral Director | Hadley Newham |
| Brother in the Military | Major Payne-Diaz |
| Boston Traffic Director | Laura Biden |
| Budget Director | Sasha Titus |
| Bunji Jumping Instructor | Hugo First |
| Butler in Car Talk's Scotland Division | Angus MacCoatup |
| Broadcast Philosopher | Phillip Airtime |
| Business Forecaster | Luigi Bord |
| Cabinet Maker | L. Ron Cupboard |
| Caffeine Addiction Counselor | Bruno Moore |
| Car Stereo Installer | Carlos Antenna |
| Car Talk Bouncer | Euripedes Ibreakayourface |
| Car Talk Ice Rink Manager | Sam Boney |
| Car Talk Opera Critic | Barbara Seville |
| Celebrity Consultants | Richard Gere-Oil, Mick Jaguar |
| Chairman, Federal Lubrication Board | Alan Greasepan |
| Chairman, Joint Chiefs of Staff | John Shall-I-Pop-a-Wheelie |
| Chairman, Math Dept. | Horatio Algebra |
| Chairman of our Southern Literature Department | Amos Reid |
| Chairman, Oral History Dept. | Ira Caull |
| Chairman, Staff Physics Dept. | Victor Analysis |
| Chairman, Underemployment Study Group | Art Majors |
| Chicken Soup Provisioner | Kent Hoyt |
| Chief Benefactor | Myra Chunkle |
| Chief Estimator | Edward James Almost |
| Chief Information Officer | Otto Delupe |
| Chief Justice | Harry Mental, aka Judge Mental |
| Chief Legal Counsel | Hugh Louis Dewey of Dewey, Cheetham & Howe |
| Chief Negotiator | Bernadette Bridge |
| Chief of Stadium Seating for the Olympics | Wayne Back |
| Chief Procrastinator | Juan Menudo |
| Chief Procrastinator, Paris Office | Jacques Hughes |
| Chief Procurement Officer | Emma Chizzit |
| Chief of Tire Technology | Yessir Itsaflat |
| Child Care Provider | A. Hugh Nokitov |
| Child Development Expert | Dr. Benjamin Spark |
| Child Transportation Specialist | Minnie Van Driver |
| Children's Menu Adviser | Bea Ferrone |
| Children's Music Programmer | Al Lowetta |
| Children's Sleepover Coordinator | Amos Muhmahmi |
| Class Valedictorian | Sidney Furst Rowe |
| Cleanliness Inspector | Adolph Deflor |
| Climate Change Monitor | Jillian Here |
| Clock Watcher | Colette O'Day |
| Clothing Designer | Hugh Jass |
| Co-Chairmen of Apathy Study Group | Ben Thayer, Don Thatt |
| Collision Repair Specialist | Jesse "The Body Shop" Ventura |
| Commencement Speaker | Gladys Overwith |
| Communications Director | George Stayontopothis |
| Communications Director II | Noam Sayin |
| Compassion Coordinator | Ophelia Paine |
| Complaint Line Operator | Xavier Breath |
| Computer Hardware Specialist | C. Colin Backslash |
| Conductor Emeritus, Tappet Brothers Symphony Orchestra | Sludgy Ozawa |
| Conductor, Tappet Brothers Symphony Orchestra | Philip Harmonic |
| Conflict Resolution Specialist | Yvonne Apeesamey |
| Congressional Lobbyists | Orrin Hatchback, Dan Rustencarski, Paul Simonize, B. F. Gingrich |
| Conservative Political Commentator | Eileen Tudor-Wright |
| Conspiracy Theorist | Nadia Belimi |
| Construction Manager | Dustin Dubree |
| Coordinator, 12-Step Recovery Program | Cody Pendant |
| Coordinator of Summer Visits to the Inlaws | Don Juan-Gogh |
| Copyright Attorney | Pat Pending |
| Corporate Spokesperson | Hugh Lyon Sack |
| Crash Tester | Hope Anna Prayer |
| Credit Counselor | Max Stout |
| Criminal Justic Expert | Lauren Order |
| Cruise Activity Planner | Eton Doolittle |
| Curator of Dionne Warwick Studies | Isiah Lilprair |
| Curator of our French Armanents Exhibit | Brittany Spears |
| Curator of Tom's Car Collection | Rex Galore |
| Customer Car Care Representative | Haywood Jabuzoff |
| Customer Credit Officer | Noah Wayne Hellman |
| Customer Greeter | Mel Pugh |
| Daylight Savings Time Manager | Konrad Adenauer |
| Customer Service Representative from London Office | Sir Leo Mann |
| Defense Attorney | Justin Volk V |
| Defense Attorney II | Heronimus B. Blind |
| Defense Attorney III | Donnatella Dicoppas |
| Defense Attorney IV | Gil T. Azell |
| Defense Dept. Consultant | Major Error |
| Dental Hygienist | Ginger Vitis |
| Dermatologist for Teenagers | Don Pickett |
| Desi Arnaz Biographer | Ike Arumba |
| Dessert Chef | Tyra Meesu |
| Dessert Menu Planner | Eaton Flanagan |
| Director of Accounts Payable | Bill Shredder |
| Director of Allergy Research | Theresa Pollinating |
| Director of Alpine Choir | O. Leo Lahey |
| Director of Automotive Security | Boris Karlarm |
| Director, Automotive Recycling Center (aka Junkyard) | Ricardo Dismantleban |
| Director of Cadillac Steering | Toulouse Toutrack |
| Director of The Car Talk Psychic Network | La Toyota Jackson |
| Designer of Casual Clothing Line | Noh Tie, Woo! |
| Director of Catering | Russell Upsumgrub |
| Director of Clandestine Meetings | Ron DesVue |
| Director of Cold Weather Starting | Martina Neverturnover |
| Director of Computer Diagnostics | Gus O'Genn |
| Director of Computer Services | Dot Matrix |
| Director of Congressional Funding | Fred Knott |
| Director of Country Music | Stan Beyerman |
| Director of Deep Sea Research | Marianna Trench |
| Director of Delicate Electronics Repair | Anita Hammer |
| Director of Desert Food Supplies | Sandy Berger |
| Director of Elder Affairs | Al Takaka |
| Director of E-mail Responses | Peggy Flaming |
| Director of Employee Loyalty Program | Upton Leftus |
| Director of Ethics & Honesty | U. Lyon Sack |
| Director of Firestone Tire Recalls | Ivana Michelin |
| Director of Gender Studies | Amanda B. Reckondwyth |
| Director of Global Warming | Nomar Winter |
| Director of Grad Student Transportation | Iona Heap |
| Director of Guaranteed Repeat Business | Lucinda Boltz |
| Director of High-Speed Impact Studies | Ricardo Montana-Bahn |
| Director of Italian Traffic Enforcement | Noah U. Turna |
| Director of Intensive Care Unit (The Picabo ICU) | Picabo Street |
| Director of Jamaican Baseball Operations | Reggae Jackson |
| Director of Japanese Cooling Systems | Emperor Overhito |
| Director of Latin American Shameless Commerce | Chico Maniorda |
| Director of Listener Support | Noah Fundrive |
| Director of Lubrication | Olive Presser |
| Director of Luxury Car Horns | Toney Blare |
| Director of Long-Range Strategic Planning | Kay Sera |
| Director of Monopoly Policy | Juan Moorehouse |
| Director of New Product Repair | Warren T. Mifutt |
| Director of Nutritional Supplements | Rose Hips |
| Director of Pavlovian Research | Isabelle Ringing |
| Director of Pedestrian Operations | Carless Castenada |
| Director of Photography | Len Scapon |
| Director of Positive Reinforcement | A. Kurt Nod |
| Director of Pollution Control | Maury Missions |
| Director of Purchasing | Lois Bidder |
| Director of Puzzler Answer Luxury Gift Reception | Donatella Debois |
| Directors of Quality Control | Les Thomas and Nomar Raymond |
| Director of Red Sox Themed Upholstery | Nomar Car-seat-repairer |
| Director of Roadway Resurfacing | Sylvia Pottholi |
| Director of Russian Rust Protection | Yevgeny Primercoat |
| Director of Speed Bumps | Slow-Me-Down Milosevic |
| Director of Sports Information | Linus Scrimmage |
| Director of Staff Pay Increases | Xavier Breath (assisted by Tony Von Thinkett!) |
| Director of Standard Time | Red Auerbach |
| Director of Sycophantic Activities | Eileen Yorway |
| Director of Three Stooges Studies | Lee Eyeapoka |
| Director of Top Secret Strategy | Donatello Nobatti |
| Director of Unsolicited Advice | H. Ross Peugeot |
| Director of Upward Mobility in Eastern Europe | Zbigniew Chrysler |
| Director of Warm-Weather Programming | Sumner Reruns |
| Disgruntled Massage Therapist | Ophelia Self |
| Distant Cousin in Mexico City | Jaime Royal Payne Diaz |
| Divorce Attorney | Carmine Nottyors |
| Document Security Expert from Jamaica | Euripedes Upmann |
| Dog Trainer | Don Chase Katz |
| Dope Slap Administrator | Thad Hertz |
| Dougie's Live-in Fashion Improvement Coach | Noah Vale |
| Downsizing Consultant | Candace Guy |
| Drug Trials Specialist | Placebo Domingo |
| Drycleaner | Preston Creases |
| East Asian Used Car Expert | Alexander Soldyernissan |
| Ebay Specialist | Selma Junkoff |
| Electronics Technician | Sammy Conductor |
| Elocution Coach | Richard Shun (aka Dick) |
| Elvis Impersonator | Amal Shookup |
| Emergency Preparedness Director | Ron Lykell |
| Emergency Room Physician | Henrietta Badclam |
| Emissions Tester | Justin Hale VII (I, II,III, IV, V, VI may they RIP) |
| Empathy Coach | Enzo Watt |
| Employee Morale Boosters | Phil Lacrap and his brother Luke Lacrap |
| Employee Orientation Specialist | Trudy Gauntlet |
| Employee Refrigerator Monitor | Carmen Dating |
| Employee Terminator | Laura Deboom |
| Engine Cooling Systems Manager | Jean Claude Air Damme |
| Evasive Driving Instructor | Vera Bruptly |
| Executive Coach | Russell Papus |
| Executive Washroom Attendant | Eustace Stahl |
| Exercise Guru | Liza Round |
| Express Oil Change Provider | Joaquin Joaquout |
| Fact Checker | Ella Fynoe |
| Fact Checker, Mexico City Office | C.S. Verdad |
| Fashion Consultant | Natalie Attired |
| Fashion Improvement Coach | Noah Vale |
| Father-in-Law Liason | Royal Payne Diaz |
| Feng Shui Consultant in Mumbai | Rhea Rangit |
| Financial Forecaster | Lou Gubrious |
| Fleet Maintenance Manager | Renata Oil |
| Fleet Manager | Oscar de la Rental |
| Footwear Consultant | Susan Shocks |
| 401 K Advisor | Hugh Don Wannano |
| French Automotive Liaison | Maurice Chevrolet |
| French Child Care Coordinator | Gerard Diaperdoo |
| French Dogwalker | Poupon Degrasse |
| French Ford Expedition Driver | Henri Rependent |
| French Vacation Specialist | April Lynn Parris |
| Gambling Addiction Counselor | Althea Andrasia |
| Gastroenterologist | Cameron Diaz |
| Genetic Counselor in Rome | Donna Maria Eucuzzin |
| German Interpreter | Axel Hausen |
| Golf and Wine Correspondent | Litre Vino |
| Golf Pro | Putnam Daily |
| Gospel Choir Director | Colin Response |
| Graduation Coordinators | Val and Dick Torian |
| Grammar Consultant | I.M. Shirley Wright |
| Greek Driving Instructor | Adjustes Miros |
| Greek Insurance Estimator | Costa Grand |
| Guest Accommodations | The Horseshoe Road Inn |
| Guide to Rapid Sun Tanning | Les Block |
| Gum Surgeon | Perry O'Dontal |
| Hair | I.M. Mr. Gigi |
| Hair Color Consultant | Dewey R. Donti |
| Head of Alterations | Toulouse Toulong |
| Head of Covert Operations | Dinah Tell |
| Head of Division of Threat Assessment | Ewen Whadarmy |
| Head of Bldgs. & Grounds | Moe D'Lawn |
| Head of Personal Security | C. Howie Run |
| Head of Security | Barb Dwyer |
| Head of our Organ Donation Program | Olivia McColon |
| Heads of Parts Dept. | Al Lloyd Wheel, Constance Velocity |
| Head of Used Car Purchasing | Ewell B. Hoffinett |
| Head of Working Mother Support Group | Erasmus B. Dragon |
| Help Desk Coordinator | Dan Difino |
| Help Line Coordinators | Kara Lott-Knott, Don Bothermy |
| Holiday Decoration Specialist | Aretha Holley |
| Holiday Wardrobe Consultant | Don Weenau |
| Horsepower Consultant | Mr. Ed |
| Hospitality Director | Doris Shutt |
| In-house Literary Critic | Al Ligori |
| In-law Hospitality Providerę | Emile Endicott |
| Insurance Agent | Heidi Ductible |
| Interior Decorator | Perry Winkle |
| Interpretive Dance Instructor | Tristan Schaut |
| Inventory Manager | Mandalit Del Bar-Code |
| Iraqi Sales Director | Aziz Nowarranty |
| Italian Conflict Resolution Specialists | Hugh and Mia Donnagria |
| Italian Governess | Donna Day Evvalurn |
| International Lubrication Experts | C.V. Boutros Boutros Gali and Fidel Castrol |
| Japanese Chef | Benny Honda |
| Jazz Music Coordinator | Bertha Deblues |
| Jeep Driver | Jocelyn De Contents |
| Jump Starting Expert | Stan Wellback |
| Keeper of Bell Tower | (Hatchback of Notre Dame) Quasi Automotive |
| Latin American Bullfighting Specialist | Gordon Diaz |
| Latin American Trade Representative | Noah Comprenday |
| Layoff Counselor | Harry Verderchi |
| Lay Off Counselor II | Oscar Lavista |
| Leader of The Former Peugeot Dealers of America Support Group | Eustace L. Emmons |
| Leo Tolstoy biographer: Warren Peace | Author of Leo Tolstoy by Warren Peace |
| Liaison to the British Isles | Isaiah Oldchap |
| Liaison to the Space Program | Roger Houston |
| Liaison Officer to Volvo & Renault | Bjorne Toulouse |
| Libel Defense Director in Tokyo | Sosumi Areti |
| Lighting Expert | Shanda Lear |
| Literary Critics | Ernest & Julio Hemingway |
| Loan Officer | I.O. Silver |
| Local News Reporter | Phil Mataleven |
| Locksmith | Ernest & Eustace Nailfile |
| Long-Distance Truck Driver | Etienne Wheeler |
| Loss Prevention Associate | Natasha D'Merchandise |
| Lost Luggage Tracker | Lester Carey |
| Lottery Ticket Coordinator | Jason Rainbows |
| Lug Nut Specialist | Tad Tolouse |
| Luxury Accomodations Provider | Tony Diggs |
| Manager of Automotive Accessories | Francis Ford Cupholda |
| Manager of Car Talk Capital Depreciation Fund | Les Ismore |
| Manager of Cartalk.Com | Cy Burnett |
| Manager, Car Talk Listeners Rebate Program | Wendy Pigsfly |
| Manager, Donkey Based Video Equipment | Cameron Diaz |
| Manager of Employee Refrigerator | Carmen Dating |
| Manager of the Weekly Shrimp Buffet | Sheldon Deveigned |
| Marine Biologist | Frieda Wales |
| Marriage Counselor | Marion Haste |
| Mechanic's Assistant | Hannah Twomey |
| Mohammed Ahamana Hamana | Ralph Kramden Impersonator |
| Montana Traffic Law Director | Hugh Jim Bissell |
| Mortgage Loan Consultant | Nora Lenderbee |
| Mother-in-Law Liason | Stella Payne Diaz |
| Moving Van Driver | Carrie Desofa |
| Museum Guide | Desdamona Lisa |
| Music Director | Mel F. Lewis |
| Musical Director | Donna E. Mobile |
| Musical Theater Critic from the Bombay Office | Jaswant Singh |
| Natural History Curator | Willie Mammoth |
| New-Employee Training Program | Ewell Flounder |
| New York-based Dispute Settlement Coordinator | Hugh Talkinamee |
| Nutrition Consultants | Eaton Wright and Liven Good |
| New Truck Reviewer | Zbigniew Rigg |
| Night Club Manager | Don Kashane |
| Official Football Widow | Eliza Decouch |
| Office Ice Cream Taster | Nora Morse |
| Official Spokesperson | Howie Vasive |
| Official Spokesperson | Lou Scannon |
| Ornithologist in Training | Luke A. Boyd |
| Our Chief Negotiator | Nicole Anne Dime |
| Our DNA Researcher | Gene Hackman |
| Overnight Bus Driver | Borden Drousy |
| Overseer of Florida Voting Practices | Emmanuel Recount |
| Parking Attendant | Rick O'Shea |
| Parking Garage Attendant | Ray Zador |
| Parole Officer | Willy Bolt |
| Parts Inventory Manager | Wayne Debach |
| Pastry Chef | Edith Tu |
| Paternity Suit Researcher | Oren Jewison |
| Pedestrian Advocate | Jay Walker |
| Pension Fund Manager | Dot Comstock |
| Periodontist | Winston Paine |
| Personal Hygiene Advisor from the Tokyo Office | Oh Takashawa |
| Personal Makeup Artist | Bud Tuggli |
| Personal Trainer | Jim Shortz |
| Philosopher | Wanda Y. Datso |
| Photographer | F. Stop Fitzgerald |
| Physical Therapist | Eustace Kane |
| Physics Graduate Student | Laura Vernersha |
| Plastic Surgeon | Fay Swift |
| Poet Laureate | Robert Defrost |
| Political Consultant | Mark Iavelli |
| PowerPoint Producer | Boris Tadeff |
| PR Director | Bea Esser |
| Practical Joke Evaluator | Odessa Goodwyn |
| Practical Joke Specialist | Dietrich Iznotulaff |
| Prayer Coach | Denise Hurt |
| Pre-show Caterers | Giardia Brothers |
| President, Car Talk Hair Club for Men | Emerson Fittibaldie (he's also a client) |
| President, Disgruntled Hatchback Owners Club | Ivana Trunk |
| Press Secretary | Don B. Zonozi |
| Producer's Office, Furnished by | Rick Kleiner |
| Proof Reader | Erin Spelling |
| Proprietor of Car Talk's men clothing store | Euripedes Eumenedes |
| Pseudonym Consultant | Norm De Plume |
| Public Opinion Pollster | Paul Murky of Murky Research |
| Puerto Vallarta Transmission Specialist | Synchro de Mayo |
| Public Appearances Coordinator | Ida Klein |
| Puzzler Tester | Otis S. Hard |
| Race Team Driver | Andy Zoff |
| Rafting Guide | Euphrates Rapids |
| Ranch Foreman | Hyman Oldcowhand |
| Ratings Analysis Specialist | Rita Menweip |
| Recently Discovered Uncle from Warsaw | Zbigniew Payne Diaz |
| Receptionist | Sedona Tush |
| Regional Director, Atlanta | Frank Lee Scarlett |
| Reincarnation Expert | Diana Comeback |
| Reluctant Film Editor | Francis Ford Cupholda |
| Rental Property Manager | Ulysses Up |
| Rental Property Manager | Condoleeza B. Broken |
| Repair Cost Consultant | Bill M. Moore |
| Repo Agent | Carmine Now |
| Retractable Antenna Tester | Benton Broke |
| Rock and Roll Historian | Bruce Wade Hughes |
| Rocket Scientist | Chet Propeld |
| Rumanian Emissions Tester | Vlad the Inhaler |
| Russian Chauffeur | Picov Andropov |
| Russian Gas Station Attendant | Phillip Antopitov |
| Russian Intern | Igor Beaver |
| Russian Vacation Specialist | Ivana Veekoff |
| Safari Planner | Sarah Anne Getty |
| Safety Officers | Mort & Fay Tality |
| Sales Director | Aziz Nowarranty |
| Sales Motivation Coach | Norman Vincent Pealeout |
| Satellite Radio Critic | Candace B. Sirius |
| Scout Leader | Lawson D. Woods |
| Seafood Provisioner | Howard E. Oysters |
| Seat Cushion Tester | Mike Easter |
| Seating Consultant | Rush Lumbar |
| Secretary of Pain Relief | Les Aspirin |
| Secretary of Halogen Headlamps | Made-A-Lane Allbright |
| Secretary of Photographic Reproduction | Fresh Prince |
| Self Defense Instructor | Nina Cahones |
| Self Esteem Coach | Mia Culpa |
| Senior Accountant from the Paris Office | Count De Monet |
| Senior Citizen Driving Instructor | Tonya Blinkeroff |
| Senior Ornithologist | Seymour Robbiins |
| Sexual Harrassment Intervention Counselor | Pat McCann |
| Shop Foreman | Luke Bizzy |
| Shop Foreman II | Constance Ubervision |
| Short Order Cook | Burt Toast |
| Sidewalk Clothing Vendor | Chip Pentz |
| Singing Urologist | Urethra Franklin |
| Sleep Clinic Operator | Betty Bayh |
| Sleepy LaBeef Ticket | Procurer Caldwell Ahead |
| Solicitor of New Ideas | Obie Quiet |
| Soloists | Kerry Oki, Victor Yugo |
| Spanish Gerentologist | Senor Moment |
| Special Liaision to the California Energy Commission | Tanya Lightov |
| Speech Pathologist | Peter Aftermey |
| Speechwriter | Audrey Marx |
| Spiritual Counselor | Miss Dolly Lama |
| Sportsmanship Coach | Ivan Youlose |
| Staff Activities Coordinator | Dewey Hafta |
| Staff Acupuncturist | O. Howard Hertz |
| Staff Advisor | Judy Cyde |
| Staff Alpinist | Arianna Topyet |
| Staff Archivist | Bernadette File |
| Staff Author | Four-Door Dostoevski |
| Staff Barber | Buzz Wazleftov |
| Staff Bicycle Tester | Maya Certz |
| Staff Bikini Waxer | Harry Mouval |
| Staff Butler, from the Car Talk Bombay Division | Mahatma Coat |
| Staff Bouncer | Euripedes Ibrakauface |
| Staff Carburetor Expert | Leslie Stahl |
| Staff Cardiologist | Angie O'Plasty |
| Staff Cat Feeder | Ken Opener |
| Staff Caterer | Edith Ann Weepe |
| Staff Chaperone | Theresa Crowd |
| Staff Chaplain | Neil Down |
| Staff Child Seat Tester | Drew Lee Weiner |
| Staff Chiropractor | Winston Paine |
| Staff Composers | Gustav Muffler, Bela Cartok |
| Staff Cooks | Al Dente, Sal Monella |
| Staff Copy Editor | Adeline Moore |
| Staff Dermatologist | Ivan Offalitch |
| Staff Dietician | Norma Lee Chowen |
| Staff Disciplinarian | Les Stern |
| Staff Disciplinarian II | Tara Neuwon |
| Staff Disciplinarian III | Juan Demerritt |
| Staff Dramatist | Anton Chokeov |
| Staff Fact Checker | Neera Nuff |
| Staff Forger | Vera Similitude |
| Staff Gastroenterologist | Dr. Louis Stuhls |
| Staff Geneticist | Dr. Jean Poole |
| Staff Geographer | Lorraine, Alsace |
| Staff Gigolo | Spencer Cash |
| Staff Gossip Columnist. | Bud Inski |
| Staff Grief Counselor | Ariel Bummerman |
| Staff Groper | Manny Rumsfeldt |
| Staff Historian | Marsha Time |
| Staff Intern | Lois Rung |
| Staff Intuitionist | Ivan Inkling |
| Staff Kitchen Designer | Joaquin Freezer |
| Staff Kleptomaniac | Heidi Silver |
| Staff Martini Mixer | Oliver Twist |
| Staff Mediator | Sue First |
| Staff Meteorologist | Gail Storm |
| Staff Meteorologist from New Delhi | Luke Audavindo |
| Staff Meteorologist from the Seattle Office | Wayne Goaway |
| Staff Morticians | Barry L. Plotz Sven Didigo |
| Staff Nutritionist | Arlene Menu |
| Staff Oral Historian | Studds Tercel |
| Staff Ornithologist, McMurdo Office | Marcia De Penguins |
| Staff Orthopedist | Denise Hoyt |
| Staff Physicist | Moe Mentum |
| Staff Promotions Director | Anita Buttkiss |
| Staff Psychologist | Les Moody |
| Staff Reporters | Walter Windshield, Walter Crankcase |
| Staff Sommelier | Avery Goodyear |
| Staff Snowplow Driver | Frasier Tushov |
| Staff Supervisor | Mike Romanage |
| Staff Temporary Housing Specialist | Condo Leaser Rice |
| Staff Urologist | Willa Catheter |
| Staff Urologist II | Pete Shedille |
| Standard Time Keeper | Hans Auerbach |
| Station Identification Coordinator | Avery Haffenauer |
| Statistician | Marge Innovera |
| Studio Repair Technician | Sloan Cranky |
| Summer Intern | Gladys Overnow |
| Suppliers of Insurance to Dewey, Cheetham and Howe | C.F.I. Care |
| Surf Reporter | Cal Abunga |
| Surgeon General | C. Everett Koop DeVille |
| Swedish Attorney | Bjorn Liar |
| Swedish Pessimist | Gunnar D. Daysr |
| Swimwear Designer | C. Bigby Heinz |
| Swing Dance Consultant | Antonia Band-Era |
| Table Saw Operator | Les Digits |
| Tactiturn Poet | Kurt Rhymer |
| Tailor | Euripedes Imenedes |
| Tax Consultant | Lou Pole |
| Teenage Daughter | Sasha Royal Payne Dias |
| Teenage Valet | Lao Tse Parker |
| Telephone Complaint Taker | Opal Lease |
| Telephone Solicitation Response Specialist | Teresa Noboddihoum |
| Timing Director | Benjamin Not-Yet-You-Yahoo! |
| Tom's Beard Cleaner | Emile Initself |
| Tommy's Front Yard Designer | Roxanne Debris |
| Tom's Personal Dating Coach | Edna Bagg |
| Tom's Personal Hygiene Coach | Haseen Benisi |
| Tom's Personal Matchmaker | Robin D'Craydell |
| Toto Payne Diaz | Little Dog of Payne-Diaz family |
| Tour Leader | Terry Incognito |
| Town Car Rear Seat Passenger | Ralph Oliver |
| Town Criers | Nina Clark and Alice Well |
| Traffic Reporter | U.B. Crawlin |
| Transcriber | Diana Boredom |
| Transgender Studies Expert | Ben Her |
| Transportation Coordinator | Rick Shaw |
| Travel Agent | Lois Faire |
| Travel Agent, Bombay Office | Vishnu Verhere |
| Travel Coordinator | Althea Around |
| Two Year Old | Ariel Payne Diaz |
| Urgent Response Coordinator | Candace Waite |
| Used Car Salesman | Alexis Itznot |
| Vehicle Preservation Specialist | Cosmo Lean |
| Videographer, Tel Aviv Office | Schlomo Replay |
| Visually Impaired Parking Lot Attendant | Dale Neverknow |
| Wardrobe Advisor | Luke Howard Fitzhugh |
| Wardrobe Assistant | Joaquin Closet |
| Wardrobe Consultant | Natalie Attired |
| Weekend Excursion Planner | Deepak Tumuch |
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